What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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