She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
