sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize