she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
