You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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