okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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