The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
being pregnant is like rehab
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
