I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize