and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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