She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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