I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
