Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
