please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize