i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
