He kissed a someone with a penis
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
