dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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