someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
