Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
