Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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