Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
