We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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