No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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