I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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