Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
