I'm gonna have a badass scar
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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