fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
