I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
