bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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