Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize