I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
