My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
