Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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