first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
