Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
