His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
