I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
