he wants to bone in the snuggie
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
