im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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