I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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