I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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