Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
