Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
