I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
