He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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