drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
only you would photoshop your dick
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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