I think I am morally bankrupt
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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