Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
