And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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