he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
