just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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