He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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