Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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