Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
