Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
