No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
