How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
