The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize