he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
