FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize