Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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