You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
