i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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