Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
