I have demons in me.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Randomize
