i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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