If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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