we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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