There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
