Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
