I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
