I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I enjoy the company of your penis
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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