You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
